We hebben allemaal wel eens irritatie en ruzie in onze relatie. Momenten waarop we het niet eens zijn met elkaar. Momenten waarop we misschien kunnen twijfelen of dit wel goed is, of dit normaal is en of je partner misschien nog wel gek op je is. Het kan ook zomaar zijn dat je op die momenten in jouw boosheid en irritatie schiet. Het hoort er allemaal bij, maar fijn is het niet. En deze momenten moeten goed uitgesproken of benaderd worden, want anders kan het meer kapot maken dan dat het goed doet. Dus hoe ga je er dan goed mee om?
Ik neem in deze, als relatie coach, de basis mee.. Pak er vooral uit waar jouw aandacht naar uitgaat. Dat is vaak een les waar je een aanpassing in kan maken!
1. Zie het als een moment.
Zie het vooral niet als het einde van je relatie. Alsof je alles verkeerd doet en alsof je niet goed genoeg bent. Dat is het niet. Het is gewoon een moment waarop je weer even tot jezelf moet komen en uit die emotie moet leren te gaan. Veroordeling gebeurt vaak op zo’n moment, maar dat is een ego kwestie. Neem dat niet serieus. Be easy on yourself and your lover.
2. Probeer niet het gedrag te veranderen van jouw partner.
Hoe graag we dit ook willen, maar dit is een strijd die je nauwelijks gaat winnen. De meeste ruzies komen omdat we een gedragsverandering willen zien van onze partner, waardoor ons gevoel beter wordt. Alleen het gevaar daarin is dat we geen verantwoordelijkheid nemen voor onze acties en daden. En trust me: dit gebeurd mij ook vaker dan ik zelf door heb. Mijn ego zit weer aan het roer en ik wil dat iemand van iets doet zodat IK me beter voel. Dat is de omgekeerde wereld. Natuurlijk kan iemand aanpassingen doen, maar dit sommige veranderingen die jij in jouw partner wil zien komen niet uit liefde voort. Het komt voort uit jouw eigen angst en dat ligt volledig bij jou.
3. Stap uit het moment waarin er ruzie is.
Ga bijvoorbeeld even wandelen, zodat je erover kunt reflecteren en weer rustig wordt. Als je nog het gevoel hebt dat je het erover wilt hebben; start dan het gesprek met je excuses aan te bieden waar je zelf iets anders had kunnen doen en praat daarna met jouw partner. Probeer elkaar te begrijpen. Leg jouw gedachtes en gevoelens uit, zonder dat het een veroordeling is. Hou het bij jezelf, want dat is het ten slotte ook.
4. Verander hoe je erover denkt.
Zeg tegen jezelf: ik hou te veel van jou en te veel van mezelf, om dit zo door te laten gaan. Ik hou van ons te veel om dit momentum door te laten gaan. Onze liefde voor elkaar is zo diep, laten we deze onenigheid niet zo door laten gaan. En bedenk ook: wat zijn je gedachtes over deze situatie? Is dat wel realistisch? Projecteer jij niet jouw verwachtingen op jouw partner? Vaak helpt een andere denkwijze aannemen in een ruzie heel erg, want niet alles wat je denkt is reëel. Het komt vaak voort uit het ego, dus uit angst en oude ervaringen. Vaak als er een rode lijn is in discussies, iets wat vaak terug komt, dan kan het soms ook een oude gedachte zijn die los gelaten mag gaan worden.
5. Het gevaar van altijd gelijk willen hebben.
Wij mensen hebben een ego en dat ego schiet aan wanneer er een ruzie of discussie is. Dat ego wil ook, koste wat het kost, gelijk hebben. De ander is fout en jij goed. De ander moet van alles aanpassen en jij niet. Vanuit dit ego komen creëert een hele hoop schade in een relatie. Hierdoor duren onenigheden vaak ook veel langer dan nodig.
En dat ego wil vaak ook een oplossing voor het de discussie los laat en ergens anders op gaat focussen. Dit is een hele hoop negatieve energie wat er meegebracht wordt in een relatie. Wie maakt dat iets wel ‘goed’ is en wat niet?
Iedereen heeft gelijk op zijn of haar manier. Iedereen kan een ander perspectief hebben op een ruzie of een discussie. Laat het gelijk hebben zo veel mogelijk varen als je door hebt dat je dit doet, want de hamvraag is: wil je gelijk hebben of gelukkig zijn?
Weet en begrijp dat er altijd uitdagingen in een relatie zullen zijn. Je zal altijd weer samen moeten werken aan iets, aan liefde. Probeer de veroordelingen los te laten en niet te vergeten dat je gek bent op jouw partner. Verwelkom de uitdagingen en praat over de gedachtes en gevoelens die je hebt, zodat je samen kunt groeien en jullie hoogste potentieel kunnen behalen. Probeer om je partner niet als vijand te zien in dit soort momenten. Zie niet wat er gebeurd als een dooddoener, wat het is niet wie jij werkelijk bent en wie jouw partner werkelijk is. Het is een bepaalde houding en het is enkel de angst die jou of jouw partner ervan weerhoudt om meer te laten zien dan dit.
Herinner jezelf dat jij pure liefde bent en zie in jouw partner hetzelfde. Mensen hebben de gewoonte om te laten zien wat jij over ze denkt. Dus denk zo positief mogelijk en dat is wat je gaat zien. Probeer eerst jezelf te veranderen in hoe je denkt en wat je doet, want daar start het allemaal. Dat is mijn grootste les in relaties. Het start bij wat ik denk en doe. Het start bij wat ik uitzend aan vibratie.
Dit gedeelte komt uit het online programma: wordt die zelfverzekerde vrouw in je relatie. Daar start de basis. In het online programma leer je alles over hoe die gedachtes werken, hoe dat ego werkt, hoe die negatieve gewoontes werken en hoe je dit kan veranderen, zodat jij een liefdevolle relatie kunt hebben. Wanneer jij zal veranderen en anders zal gaan denken, verandert ook jouw punt van aantrekking. En daar gaat het om. Het gaat er om dat jij in alignment komt, zodat alle liefde en mooie momenten naar je toe gaan stromen. Dat is wat je verdient! Hier kan je er meer over lezen en mee doen: www.mindandfeeling.nl/zelfverzekerde-vrouw
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